Could it really boil down to a few small gestures to keep you connected and show your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that you deeply care for them? Research shows that consistently doing the following five gestures has a huge impact on a couple’s level of happiness. The best part is that most of us aren’t withholding these gestures on purpose. We just don’t realize how massively important they are. They feel too simple to put much thought into, and at times may feel awkward.
All of the happiness habits are simple, learnable and doable. So now that we know they are important what if you try to add them to your relationship now.
The research did show that there were gender differences when it came to these 5 gestures. What makes women feel loved is slightly different than what men respond to. So what are the magical five acts that will impact your relationship? …
FOR HIM:
- Notice his effort and sincerely thank him for it. For example: “Thank you so much for mowing the lawn, even though it its was so hot outside” or “Thanks for playing with the kids, even when you were so tired from work.”
- Say “You did a great job at _________”.
- Mention in front of others something he did well.
- Show that you desire him sexually and that he pleases you.
- Make it clear to him that he makes you happy. For example: Express appreciation for something he did with a smile.
For HER
- Take her hand. Yes in public, in private, in the car.
- Leave her a message by voicemail, e-mail, or text during the day to say you love her and are thinking about her.
- Put your arm around her or lay you hand on her knee when you are in public
- Tell her sincerely, “You are beautiful.”
- Pull yourself out of a funk when you’re grumpy or upset about something, instead of withdrawing. This mean not getting angry or needing space, it means trying to pull you out of it.
When you combined these with your partner’s specific love language they can have an even greater impact. I will talk about love languages in another post.
Remember they may feel awkward at first but they are important. Any change is difficult in the beginning. Stick it out through the awkwardness and soon it will feel natural.
- These two lists have been taken from a chapter in the book: Highly Happy Marriages by Shaunti Feldhahn. It is a great book that discusses the “little things that make a big difference”.