Q: What does the first meeting look like?

Q:  What does the first meeting look like?

After doing therapy for awhile you start to notice a trend in the questions and the concerns that clients have before therapy even starts.   I am hoping to address some of those here.

Q:  What does the first meeting look like?

Knowing what to expect when you walk into a new situation can be helpful and reduce anxiety. Every therapist has their own way of doing an initial session.  There are some common elements that you will see at most therapy offices.  I have outlined the structure we follow at our office.

  1. Paperwork: Therapists are required to maintain a certain level of medical records. To help them to do this they will have “initial client paperwork” to have you fill out. At our office, our forms include the following forms. First is the Client Information Form, which provides basic contact information and helps us to bill your insurance. The next form is An Informed Consent Form.  Here we have outlined our office policies and included all of the disclosures needed to begin therapy.  The final form is an Assessment Form.  This form allows us to collect some background information and helps us to understand all of the factors impacting your life.  We will then make a copy of your insurance card to be included with the other forms.  One thing to remember is that even when you come in for couple sessions this paperwork will need to be filled out. Usually an Assessment Form is filled out for both partners. The information for only needs to be filled out for one of the partners and there is a place on the consent form for both parties to sign.  You can access our forms here.
  1. Meeting the therapist: Now that you have the paperwork filled out, it is time to come into my office and meet me. Here you find a place to sit where you are comfortable and then I introduce myself.  One of the most important parts of therapy is being able to connect with your therapist.  Part of the first session is getting to know the office and the therapist.  You being able to feel comfortable there is very important.
  1. Office Policies: At this point of the initial session I cover some of the office policies that were outlined in the informed consent forms.  An example of one that I talk over with all my clients is the idea of confidentiality.  I feel it is essential for clients to understand what they say is confidential and where the limits are.  I also answer any questions regarding insurance or fees. I encourage my clients to ask me questions and I do my best to answer them.
  1. You tell your story: After all of the office stuff is taken care of and any questions are answered, I turn it over to you. Sometimes people don’t know where to start.  I usually help by asking “what has led you here to my office.”  While you are telling your story I will ask some questions to get clarification where I need.  I also take notes so I don’t lose any of the details.
  1. Goals: The final part of the initial session is to help you identify what you want/need to change. This can help us determine goals for our sessions and give us direction moving forward.
  1. Scheduling: We end by scheduling our next session and settling any co pays or fees.

Sometimes clients struggle with the initial session because the main purpose of it is to learn what is going on in your life and what has led you there.  Because of this, we don’t get to the “working phases” of the session.  Clients sometimes report that they feel like they have just talked and haven’t fixed anything.  The second appointment will feel more collaborative than the first.  Time is an important piece of therapy.

Q: What do I do if my partner refuses to attend couples counseling with me?

Q: What do I do if my partner refuses to attend couples counseling with me?

After doing therapy for awhile you start to notice a trend in the questions and the concerns that clients have before therapy even starts.   I am hoping to address some of those here.

Q: What do I do if my partner refuses to attend couples counseling with me?

One issue that comes up is when one partner wants couples counseling and one partner does not.  The partner who would like to initiate therapy is left feeling like they are stuck, unable to move forward.  One thing that I tell all of my clients or potential clients is that you can start therapy by yourself.  There are many benefits of doing this and your partner may decide to join you at a later stage.

Going in for individual sessions allows you to explore your feelings and roles in the relationship in an environment that is free of judgment. It allows you to identify and deal with any personal problems that you may bring into the relationship. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationship is be the best version of yourself you can.  Individual therapy can help you to achieve that.

If your partner decides to join you in therapy later, you can talk to your therapist on how to handle this.  The person coming in can feel at a disadvantage due to the relationship already developed with the therapist.  I personally work to balance this out by meeting with the new partner individually for several sessions to allow them to get to know me and feel comfortable in the space. I never want someone to feel targeted or ambushed when they walk into my office. After there is a therapeutic relationship established with both partners we can move forward with couple sessions.  If things still feel unbalanced I may suggest a new therapist for the couple’s work.

Click here to get an idea of what an initial session looks like.

Is Divorce Contagious?

Is Divorce Contagious?

Forget the flu. Did you catch the Divorce Bug?

Imagine this.  Your best friend comes over to tell you that she and her husband are getting a divorce.  You are shocked.  You knew they had some problems, but they always seemed to work through them.  They seemed so happy last week. You probably spend time listening and consoling your friend, but maybe you should be avoiding her?  Are you going to catch the divorce bug from her?  What will this do to your relationship?

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Can Love Be Created?

Can Love Be Created?

The Love Experiment

More than 20 years ago there was a psychologist by the name of Arthur Aron.  His claim: He could make two strangers fall in love.  This modern day “Cupid” claimed he only needed a few things: 1 male, 1 female, a laboratory, a list of 36 questions, and eye contact.

Let me explain a little further.  In this study, a heterosexual man and woman entered a lab through separate doors.  They proceeded to sit face to face and answer 36 questions of a personal nature.  Finally, they stared into each other’s eyes for four minutes.  The result:  Cupid’s arrow was right on target.  They were married six months later.  Hmmm…skeptical? Too good to be true?

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The Formula for Finding the Perfect Gift

The Formula for Finding the Perfect Gift

What is the formula for giving your partner the BEST gift this holiday season?  All you need to know is what their love language is.  Never heard of love languages?  I tell you all about them here. Don’t know what YOUR love languages are? Take the test here. Once you have that figured out…here is what you do…

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Speaking the Same Love Language

Speaking the Same Love Language

The Five Love Languages

Gary Chapman’s, The Five Love Languages is based on the idea that we each have our own ways we express and experience love. He believes unhappiness occurs in relationships when these ways differ than between partners.  The different ways one can express love have been divided into five categories, or languages.  Imagine you and your partner each spoke a different language, now imagine trying to tell your partner you love them. It might be a little tricky.  Some of the message might get through, but the depth of the feelings gets lost.  The same thing happens when you speak different love languages.

Below I have written a brief summary of each of the five languages. I have also included tips on what you can do if your partner’s language matches one of them.  The idea is to try your best to express your love in ways that mean the most to them.  Speak their language!  You will get the most bang for your buck.

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8 Tips for Reducing Stress this Holiday Season

8 Tips for Reducing Stress this Holiday Season

All I want for Christmas is…to be STRESS FREE!!!

It is September and Christmas decorations fill the department store shelves.  Children far and wide have started their lists for Santa, mainly because parents have been reminding them that “Santa is watching” for the last few months.  If the thought of these things make you break out in a sweat, you are not alone. For many Americans the “holiday” season can be one of the most stressful times of the year.  In fact, a 2008 poll by the American Psychological Association found that 8 out of 10 Americans anticipate stress during the holidays.

Why are the holidays so stressful?  The holidays present a wide array of demands: office parties, purchasing gifts, baking, cleaning, and entertaining. For many, the biggest source of holiday stress is the obligations associated with family and family traditions. Having such high expectations and experiencing guilt at not meeting them, contributes to the stress and pressure of the holidays.

With the holidays right around the corner, here are some ways to cope with stress and have a pleasant holiday season.

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Affairs in 2015

Affairs in 2015

Someone cheated…

In my work as a therapist I have developed a special interest in working with couples.  Due to this interest I have worked with many couples over the years who are struggling with figuring out what to do after an affair. It is not an easy process.

If you are reading this, most likely you have been involved on one side of an affair.  Maybe you are the injured partner who is trying to decide what to do next.  Maybe you are the partner who had the affair and are trying to figure out what you want.  Which ever side you fall on, I hope you find some of this information helpful.

My first piece of advice is to take a deep breath.  Nothing has to be decided right now. You have time to think.  You have time to talk.  You have time to process.  You do not have to make a decision on anything right now.  Give yourself some time.

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5 Small Actions That Show Your Love.

5 Small Actions That Show Your Love.

Could it really boil down to a few small gestures to keep you connected and show your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that you deeply care for them?  Research shows that consistently doing the following five gestures has a huge impact on a couple’s level of happiness.  The best part is that most of us aren’t withholding these gestures on purpose. We just don’t realize how massively important they are.  They feel too simple to put much thought into, and at times may feel awkward.

All of the happiness habits are simple, learnable and doable.  So now that we know they are important what if you try to add them to your relationship now.

The research did show that there were gender differences when it came to these 5 gestures.  What makes women feel loved is slightly different than what men respond to.  So what are the magical five acts that will impact your relationship? …

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Tips on Selecting a Therapist

Tips on Selecting a Therapist

It feels like things have reached a breaking point in your relationship.  It isn’t just your typical marital fights anymore.  You need to do something different, now. There may be a time in your relationship that you hit that wall. This is usually when a couple (or family) will decide that it is time to involve a professional.  Sometimes they have connections and can get a personal referral, but other times they end up on the internet, consulting everyone’s best friend, Google.

Looking for a therapist or counselor can become overwhelming, especially with the variety of licenses and degrees out there.  When deciding whether to see a marriage and family therapist (LMFT), psychologist, mental health counselor (LMHC), or social worker (LISW), it is difficult to know if they will be a good fit.  While personality is always an important piece, that isn’t something you can assess before meeting with the therapist. One area that you can look at beforehand is at the therapist’s qualifications and license.

First consideration what type of therapy you are seeking.  While individual therapy is the stereotypical route in many mental health fields, the research has shown couple/family therapy to be an effective treatment option for a variety of symptoms and disorders.  For many issues, it has even become the preferred method of treatment. As the need for this type of therapy increases so does the concern of the amount of training mental health professionals have in this unique type of therapy.

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